Learn today at church that just by praying you can't get things done. Though I knew this already it reminded me. Things do not happen naturally. It is the reaction of someone's action. Equivalent trade huh?

If that is the case, who am I really? All my life I have been putting others above myself, thinking about other's feelings other than my own. Is this even normal? Last week when Jeremy and Yi chee came to a totally same assumption but at different days, and even though I told them what I felt at that time, was what I said really true? If you were to ask me about my emotions, I would just give you a blank look. Even up till now im still clueless to my own emotions.

Now that I think about it (2 days of thinking), I realised that my actions are mainly due to others. I am the reaction to people's actions. All that i've done is to make others feel happy. Others above self huh... Even though I am aware that I am following a path that pleases othetrs, I can't seem to break this cycle. When I start to be a little selfish, at the end of the day im always feeling that I did not deserve what I got.

What is my true colours? I seriously don't know. I can't even decide for myself anymore. For example even though I was sick, because I promised Ben and friends, I turned up for dare night. Constant prayer to God through out the friday has help me into lasting through the night. In return now I feel tired and sleepy quite often (Equivalent trade). But oh well. Others above self. This way I won't feel guilty or sad for hurting other's feelings. In a way im glad I went for Dare Night. Thanks to God for delievering me through the night.

Are the people from FMS, ppl I just met for 15 days only, my nakama, my friends I can trust forever? It feels like it, but I hope they will be the ones who will help me realise my true colours, if it is good or bad.

On a brighter note, here is the link to my storytelling module blog (Yes the module requires a blog)
PeanutButterJames.Wordpress.com


Oh yea there will be NO photos for dare night as it is with the FMS ppl. All that I have are videos of our dares. Don't know if I should post them on Youtube...